Transformers

Well, I think the end of my carb experiment has come to an end. I don’t like the results but it looks like i can go back to a better Way Of Eating for myself. Today marks the worst I have felt in the two months that I have done this little experiment. This is how I look today. IMG_2758

And this is where I feel the most comfortable.

DSCF0291

The difference between the two is roughly 20-25 lbs. These are the Lubs that make me uncomfortable. Granted the picture of me in the pink shirt is from a few years ago, no matter, that is a weight that is about 138. I don’t weigh myself right now. It gets me into my head too much. I can’t get out and I get depressed. This is where i am today. I’m depressed, I’m down and I’m ready to make the change.

A friend who was trying to help suggested testing my adrenals. I did and they are a bit kooky. Now I’m on a journey to calm down, stop running around like a crazy person and heal my body (including my adrenals). So I’m cutting out the carbs again, possibly to get into ketosis, maybe just low carb. I just feel like cwap today.

After spending an amazing three days at PFX13 I feel like my body has had enough and I don’t think a person should be worn out to the bone after just three days of hard work. People have done this for centuries. I can do this too. Everything feels weird and bloated today. But something else is different from the time the pink shirt picture was taken. I’ve done a lot of work. I’ve seen a lot of counselors, I’ve seen a lot of docs and I’ve worked really hard to work with an eating disorder. I think this is the first time I’ve ever typed this somewhere that the general public can see. I won’t go into details now but I can say I continue to get help and I consider myself a recovering patient of ED. Today I eat, I’m not starving and I’m trying not to overeat. I’m getting nutrition and that is key. I just want the belly to go away. It’s not just vanity, I want my body back so I can keep doing the things I want to do. I want to play!

Here’s my thing. I’m never happy and the weight never seems to make it better. This time the goal is not just fat loss, it’s feeling, it’s emotional. It’s for me and my brain and my health. I’m ready to look like this again.

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But for now I have a mind that is better and I look like this

644364_10152694637680203_2000883556_nIt just seems so far away when I look at it. I want and I need to get this body back in line.

Care to join me?

 

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