1st world problems

Well, it’s back.

The challenge is done so some, but not all, of my extra weight is back. 

It’s shitty. Really shitty. 

I haven’t added anything crazy into my diet other than a glass of wine and maybe a tiny bit of SF syrup on my bacon. I know, it’s probably my body adjusting back to wine and a few other foods but it’s frustrating. 

I eat really well, I take care of myself by working out and playing and having fun but it’s just terribly frustrating to be no better than I was a year ago when I did my very extreme diet. A year ago I thought I was hefty enough to undergo a very popular doctor-controlled diet and I lost all the weight I wanted to! It was great. I looked good, I felt great and I didn’t have to worry about it, right? Wrong. I worried every day. EVERY. DAY. I would wake up and the first thing I would think about was weighing myself! It caused me heart palpitations, well maybe not palpitations but I regularly woke up with a very fast heart beat. 

  Now, I’m back around 143 ug. And hating it. I’m strong, I’m fast (getting faster) but my clothes still don’t fit they way they did 10 lbs ago. I would understand if I was at this weight and my clothes were fitting really well, but they aren’t. It’s obviously not that slim muscle I hear about. If it was my pants would be a bit more loose. 

  Now they rub, now they make me uncomfortable and now I am not happy with parts of my body. I try to be, but then the scale kicks me in the face. Why do I do it? Well, part of me needs to. I need to know where I’m at so I can figure out how far I am from where I want to be. And part of me is still disordered. Part of me still wants to have control over the uncontrollable. That part thinks that if I check the scale 30 mins later it will say something different. This part of me won’t have water in the morning, or coffee until I’ve weighed myself. 

This extra weight could also be salty food from the Whole Foods Superbowl Salad and tiny pieces of curry chicken I had. That’s right. I ate a SALAD…at the SUPERBOWL PARTY. Gaining weight is just not fair when a person has done that. Not fair at all. Ah, first world problems. 

So much for slim monday. 

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