Fear, serious fear is all I have right now.
I don’t have a full-time paying job. I don’t even have a steady part-time job. All my jobs are small. And that scares me. I’m German in heritage. I NEED STRUCTURE.
So, what’s next?
Take on another job?
Or go back to school? (in a sense)
The funds are down, and I’m scared. I don’t know where life is going to take me next. I have the opportunity to go into a Yoga teacher training, but it is SERIOUS money. Money I’m not sure I should spend. I love the school, I love the idea of being a teacher and I love the idea of learning.
I do not love my jobs right now. And, chances are they would not allow me to do the teacher training as well. So, in my heart and in my head I need guidance. Is it WORTH it to me? What is worth? Is it monetary, spiritual, emotional?
But I do think this sums it up nicely. I’m not at peace when I’m moving, I’m not at peace when I rest. I want to have the power of conviction in the things that I do. I don’t feel powerful in ANY of my jobs right now except for the ones that need me to perform. I love HIT AND RUN and I love DINNER DETECTIVE .
I have so much to be thankful for in my life, good friends, good family, good life in general. But I want it to be great. I want to be great, outstanding, live with vibrancy and compassion and love! What must I do to have that life?
The only way I could see swinging teacher training is to have a full time 9-5 job that allows me to have some weekend days off. So that is what I ask, that is the desire I’m putting out there to be answered. I am ready for the job that will let me work happily during the day, and let me work toward being a great teacher at night.
If you read this, and you know you can help…if you know of that job, please let me know. I know someone out there has that job waiting for me and I just needed it to be ready and me to be ready for it. So, here we go…time to leap