I haven’t been able to sleep this morning.
Up at 4 am and not able to get back to sleep. My brain was humming with thoughts of my family, of my job and my choices in life. Big thoughts and little thoughts whirling and not allowing me to get back to sleep. This has happened before but never before could I not get back to sleep. I took this time as a perfect chance to have some tea and toast and take a walk…and think.
Lately I’ve been thinking quite a bit about mountains in all forms.
In the state that I love:
The pose I am learning to love:
and the mountain of the issues of daily life.
There have been many goals in my life that I have reached only to feel like I have fallen short of my summit. I had what should have been the job of my dreams and yet I never felt fulfilled. Sadness, anger and ungratefulness filled my thoughts of everything. For years I wanted to be thin, but when I got there I was not vital. I was thin but everything about me became thin. My thoughts, my actions, my inner strength. When I was heavier I was thick. I ignored my body, I ignored the thoughts about myself and the care I should have taken.
It seemed as though I was never really the Ann that I knew only when I was much younger. I have been going through years and years of wondering if I would EVER figure out just who is Ann.
Over the past few weeks something has been stirring inside. Some small awakening taking place. I’m not feeling like my old self but I think something is churning in the right direction. The plane of my life that has been taxiing on the runway for years is beginning to rev its engines. Something is moving. This is good.